Relationship Advice From Days Gone By

I made a promise to a friend that I would write a guest post for her blog.  Long over due but better late than never… here it is!  I apologize Vida.

This post was supposed to be about picking women up.  Back in my hay day… I think I could have provided much more insight on the topic.  I really tried to scrape the depths of my cranium for what knowledge I picked up and experiences I could remember… but nothing.

It seems that one of two (or both) things have happened.  I have repressed these memories for some reason I’m sure serves me well OR I’ve been out of the game too long.  You know what they say,  “Use it or lose it.”

Admittedly, I was never good at relationships and only slightly better at “picking up” or starting them.  I’ve learned a couple important lessons along the way though and here they are… this shouldn’t take long.

Relationships are like chess:

In more ways than you can imagine.  If you aren’t a chess player it doesn’t matter.  All you need to know is that you can’t win the game with an opening.  No matter how spectacular your opening/approach, you must have a middle game and end game.  You have to have a plan and work at it the entire time.  There is no coasting mindlessly in chess and their can’t be in relationships if you wish to end up on top (no pun intended.)

Paralleling is an art:

How come Einstein couldn’t explain the concept of time in a context that was useful… like in relation to re-la-tion-ships (fading out).  Here is my attempt.  If you want to make a relationship work you must realize that both of your lives exist on a time continuum or a timeline if you will.  Paralleling means that these timelines seem to be running side by side and life events are happening generally around the same time.  This won’t make or break a relationship but the closer the events in your life parallel the events in their life the easier it will be.

The only exception to this rule seems to be Jacob and his ability to imprint on infants.  (I thought my generation was messed up just wait until the next group of Twilight love’n, 50 Shade fanatics take their crack at it… “Einstein who?”)  I’ve learned the hard way that we can’t yet bend time back on itself.  If your life events are not matching up you have to make choices.  Break it off or wait it out until they realign.  Of course both are easier said than done.

You have to change:

People are essentially made up of three layers.  Things they will NOT change, things they WILL change or adapt to and things they MUST change.

An example of this would be something in your life which is essential to who you are as a person.  It can be religion, connection to family or a slight OCD that involves How I Met Your Mother.  For example if you value human life and would never harm another human being for any reason I doubt dating an infantry soldier is going to make you join the army.

The second layer are things that adapt and change as you continue to develop the relationship (assuming you have some middle and end game plan).

An example of this would be if you come from a family with a semi-devoted religious practice and you meet someone who is seriously devoted to their faith.  If you share the same faith you may begin to join that person in their practice.  If your faith is different then you may begin to explore or consider the other person’s beliefs (or at least hide the fact that idolize Seth MacFarlane).  Regardless of the example there are things in life both of you will have that will adapt and change as you begin to share a life together.  This needs to happen so that any major personality differences can be talked about and handled in a productive way.

The third layer are things that must change.  These things are often talked about right at the beginning or are never talked about at all.  Just so you know, the latter is not a good idea if you’d like to keep a relationship.  It’s better to get it out in the open and see if it will work out.  For example if you are a recovering alcoholic, dating a Snookie/Pauly D wanna-be isn’t going to work.  Unless you’ve given up on the recovering bit…

Sorry folks but that is all she wrote!  Good luck.

The Art Of Adaptation:  Understanding all the references in this post is a sure sign that change is needed.

 
Want more and better advice than I could ever provide on this topic… check out Vida’s blog!

Lavidavidzi